Out of that little pond...

I came across a photo on my computer tonight... It's a group shot of a bunch of high school pals... And I studied it for a moment before I did some counting...

There are ten people in the picture.

I have kissed five of them. (And only three were boys. LOL)

And I'm in it, too. Which leaves only four in the photo whose tongues haven't been in my mouth.

I guess I really made my way around that crowd. Shit.

SoulMate was right to give me grief about my "little pond".

Well, I'm jumping into the ocean now. I haven't kissed a boy from high school in more than a month.

And while I am enjoying kissing other boys (men!), I am realizing that my town isn't such a big pond, either. Haha.

Things are about to get interesting....

Yin and Yang and Shit.

Well, that was an entertaining weekend.

I got to hang out in my hometown, celebrating Thanksgiving early with my family. A good friend joined us and it was all good.

Of course, I had to stop in my gramma's town first. And we went to Target. Where I ran into an old friend. A FB friend. But one I hadn't seen in years. We made plans to hang out the following day, which was exciting.

And then as I was about to check out, I get a text from a good friend halfway across the country. Fucking StalkerChick is at it again. In a big way. Ugh. But I pretty much just laughed it off. I found it entertaining.

And then the big dinner and such... And an email from a new guy... Which was intriguing...

And then it was Sunday... And I'm texting the new guy (Shall we call him Roger?) all day long... And meeting up with old friends in a favorite hangout... Oh, and seeing my ex-fiance.

Wait. What? Yeah.

Good ol' SB.

Holy fuck.

I see a friend who actually just happened to be there, didn't intend to meet up with us. And I walked over to say hello to him and I see SB sitting about 8 feet away. I turn my back and ask, "Um, is that who I think it is?" Another friend approached, who confirmed that yes, it was SB. "Oh, do you know him?"

Ha. "Um, I was engaged to him!" (Ish. But that's not the issue. There was a ring. He put it on my finger when I moved away to keep me. Ugh. Anyway.)

So, the first friend made the executive decision that we would sit where I wouldn't have to look at SB.

And an hour later when I decided to just go say hi to him, my friends stopped me.

Everything happens for a reason. And enough things fell into place afterward that make that so clear to me. I wasn't meant to talk to him that day, for sure.

But it was funny. Because only in my sitcom life would something like that happen. I spent 12 years worrying about running into him. And only in the last three did I stop looking over my shoulder for him. And that's when I saw him. I was glad I looked adorable.

And then today.

The day I'd been waiting for since Thursday.

When my therapist had told me I needed to have a sitdown with Leon. Face-to-face. (Shut up, D. My blog. My story. And it was therapist-assigned.)

Apparently, I was supposed to tell him I love him.

Fuck.

I had notecards. Because this time I wasn't going to remember something afterward and kick myself for not saying it. And I certainly didn't want to get off-track and start babbling. Like I had when I'd gotten his voicemail.

He called me back and left a message (I didn't answer because I was on a date. I know.), agreeing to see me today.

So, we spoke Friday and made the arrangements.

Which made me so damned grateful for a fun-filled, entertaining weekend. Because it kept my mind off of things. Well, except when I told my dad about it on Saturday night. I was worried that I sounded so stupid. "Yeah, so I love this guy who I totally shouldn't be with, but it's making me crazy that he doesn't know. So, I'm going to tell him. And it won't change anything except that he'll know."

So, imagine my surprise when he told me he'd already known. Oh, and that he loves me too. But that even when two people love each other that doesn't necessarily mean they should be together. (Um, I already knew THAT part. Eesh.) And he was surprised I didn't know he loves me. Hadn't he told me before? (Um, no. He'd used the word but not in the middle of "I" and "you". The thing that sucks the most is that the reason he's giving me for not being with me is something so fucking ridiculous it makes me sick. So, here he is telling me that he loves me and so he can't be anything but my friend or all in. He respects me too much to date me casually. Which is fine. But I actually lost quite a bit of respect for him today. Because as much as he says he's growing up, I think it's really fucking immature to hold something against someone that happened long before we loved each other. Get the fuck over it.

So, when we hugged quickly and started to say goodbye, I was pretty certain it was over. Done. That's it. I'd told him that I expected nothing. I ask for nothing. Just that he knows. And he does know. I told him I would get over it. That I love him but that those feelings will go away. That I will love and I will be loved. By someone who wants to be with me. And I thought that was it.

So, I didn't quite understand what he meant when he said he was leaving with lots of thinking to do. Um, what's there to think about? You've already decided.

Whatever. I'm going back to my "let's not talk til after the new year, okay?" thing. Starting the moment that door closed behind him.

That's when I sat down and cried for about five minutes. Hard. And let my friends know that I was ready to go out and watch some MNF.

And Roger and I were texting back and forth and I told him where I was and did he want to join us?

And he did.

And it turns out, he's adorable. And a gentleman. And a really good guy. And one who's genuinely interested in me. And when I told him about how I want to shave my head, he asked me about the background story, and when I told him why I didn't do it back when I'd wanted to, he said, "But I think that would have been really cool!"

Later, IP gushed about him. I don't think IP has ever liked any guy for me. Even my husband. So it's kind of a big deal that she likes this one.

And yet it's a bigger deal that *I* like this one.

Damn, it's been a roller-coaster day.

Goodnight.

RetroMama takes a lover...

It was about time... It was the valet. And I'm assuming he's back at school now. So, I can take friends to that restaurant without worrying about running into him.

Yep, I pretty much got exactly what I wanted. (Although, really... The kid talked FAR more than I was in the mood for...) We were safe (my choice, not his, apparently.), and it was lovely, and then he was gone.

And then there's Leon... With whom I was suddenly communicating with far more regularly than when we were actually dating... And I didn't know how comfortable I was with that. I thought we'd agreed not to talk for a couple of weeks until we saw each other. And then I was suddenly privy to much of what he's processing... And I wasn't quite sure I appreciated that. I'm not his girlfriend. I don't need to know his every little thought process about what could be life-altering decisions. (TF told me, "That's not necessarily stuff you'd tell a girlfriend, but it's definitely stuff you'd tell a best friend..." Great. Now E's doing the happy little "haha, I'm right!" dance. I can see it now. argh.)

But then there's the grabbing of the bull by its horns... That person I mentioned previously? The one from his present and my past? Yeah. I pretty much handled it. And while CoffeeLady played Devil's Advocate and asked me if I could deal with the potential repercussions, I realized that it had to be done. And I feel good about it. Finally. For real. If Leon has a problem with it, he'll have to get over it. Because I can't let myself have loyalty at this point for something that doesn't even have a start date.

Because all this time, I've thought that we did... Have a start date, that is... At some distant point in the future... And I've been all patient and shit... Like it doesn't matter how long it takes for us to end up together because I'm so certain that we will. So, these months in the meantime don't really matter. I can keep living my life and enjoying my kid and my friends and the occasional younger man to fill a particular void, and I'm good. And eventually, we'll fall in love and live some semblance of a "happily ever after"...

And then I got my kid back after three days... And we had amazing and lovely days together... And as I looked at him across the breakfast table yesterday morning, it hit me like a ton of bricks... I really don't want a relationship with any man right now... I mean, like, really.

I spoke to a friend a few weeks ago (a man) who told me that he never understood how women could put their kids first and not date for 18 or so years... And then he got custody of his teenaged daughter. And found himself in a position of having to make that decision for himself. And he finally "got it". And stopped dating a woman he'd been pursuing for a year.

And I totally get it... I don't want to be in a relationship that might throw this amazing thing I've got with my kid off-kilter.

The thing is, I know that living a full and rich life benefits my son in countless ways... And I know that I am a far better mother to him because I am feeling fulfilled when he's not with me.

But a relationship? Where there could be expectations? Demands of my time?

That's really not for me right now. Now, I did have this conversation with Leon months ago... That when I have my kid, I'm with him and only him. But that I could see someone a few times a week when he's not with me and maybe once during the week that I do have him. And Leon made it sound like that would be totally reasonable and acceptable. That any man should be okay with that.

And maybe it's because I'm still in a place where Leon's the only one I'm considering for anything longer-term and his schedule is pretty opposite of mine right now that I'm coming to this conclusion.

That I don't want a boyfriend. I don't want to be in any kind of relationship other than being a mom to my son and a friend to my friends. That's it.

Oh, but I'm totally open to keeping a boy or two on the side... Because there are still other needs that must be met.

That's the conclusion I've come to in these last couple of days.

Which could be exactly what I need. Or it could just be the PMS talking.

::shrug::

Elephant Pusher.

So, I faltered. I happened to be in Leon's town and contacted him. Adorably, of course.

He responded with his whereabouts for that evening. Events fell into place, and I found myself on my own at that time, so I decided to go ahead and go. Because I'm a kickass chick who doesn't need her girlfriends to hold her hand when she goes out to a bar.

So, I went.

And he was all glad to see me. Turns out he was actually part of the entertainment, which was an unexpected treat. I'd wanted to see him do his thing for awhile, so I was thrilled to get to watch the magic happen. He was sweet, checking on me after stopping to talk to friends and whatnot. We joked around and laughed and stuff... At one point he touched my shoulder and told me "I like having you around. I can't joke about dead parents with too many people."

Yep. You wanna joke about dead parents? I'm your gal. ::snort::

I was getting pretty tired (I had done a half-marathon that morning), and I decided I should pee before I left.

I came back from the bathroom and Leon was gone.

I listened to a couple of other comics before wondering where he'd gone.

And that's when I saw him. Sitting outside. With a group of his friends. With a cigarette in his mouth.

Shit. I thought he'd quit.

Ew.

I wondered if I should wait for him to finish and come back inside and decided not to waste my time. I headed outside and kinda patted him on the shoulder, saying, "I'm gonna take off..."

He jumped right up, set the cigarette down and wrapped his arms around me... It felt so good to be in his arms again, and I breathed in his scent.... And was pretty grossed out. I was so bummed. He didn't smell like Leon. He smelled like smoke. Ugh. He was thanking me for coming out, and I said (matter-of-factly, not accusingly), "You're smoking." He said, "Yeah, I would kiss you right now, but I've been smoking, so my mouth is all smoky and dry..."

I was surprised that he said that. Since we'd broken things off, didn't that mean we weren't kissing anymore?

And I said, "You would?" And then he kinda backpedaled... But then kissed my forehead three different times.

I left and cried a little on the way home.

Smoking's a deal-breaker for me. So, no matter how great a guy he is, we're done.

I fully expected to hear from him that night or the next day, though. He usually does that. Especially since I figured he probably sat down with his friends and said, "Wow, I fucked that up, big-time."

But I didn't hear from him.

And I was sad. Because I'm such the optimist that telling myself there is absolutely no hope is really hard for me to grasp.

By Wednesday, I knew I needed to vent. I decided to draft an email. Just a draft. I had no intention of sending it. I just needed to get my feelings out where I could see them. So, I wrote it up, and waited about an hour... And then I decided I had nothing to lose, so I went ahead and sent it.

I was totally calm after that. I knew that even if I didn't hear from him again, that at least I said all the things I hadn't let myself say when we were seeing each other. Because I do have feelings for him. And about him. And for some reason, I hadn't told him that. So, there it was.

Of course, when the valet-guy and I spoke that evening and he said, "Is that the beautiful RetroMama?", I kind of regretted having sent it. Especially when he and I made plans to see each other soon. Haha.

But the next afternoon, I got a response. And it was AMAZING. I mean, amazing. I read it about three times before I could get on with my evening. And I don't even know how many times I've read it since then.

And while I realized that NOW I can let the dust settle, there were a few key points I did want to respond to.

So, the next day, I tried to write him back. And it was a crazy day and for some reason, the words didn't quite flow as easily. Maybe because it suddenly seemed like there was more at stake?

And I didn't really want to answer his questions if I didn't really know what exactly his questions were.

So, we ended up talking on the phone today. We'd made a phone date, and when he realized his plans had changed for the afternoon, he took the time to call me to ask me if we could reschedule. And when he was free earlier, he called me. I like how considerate he is.

So, we talked. And the elephant that had been in the room all this time was pushed out a bit. And we got off the phone on a high note, I think. He asked me to write him a note on Monday to tell him how tomorrow's long run goes. I appreciated that. And he's got a lot of stuff coming down in the next couple of weeks. We had agreed earlier to get through these next couple of weeks and then he asked if he could make me dinner.

I kind of want to get to that place. Besides, I don't want to feel like I can't see valet-guy before he goes back to college. ::giggle::

But now that I'm trying to focus on the positives of getting certain stuff out in the open, I'm finding myself second-guessing certain things that were said. By me. Eesh.

And I find myself feeling unsettled now. Like there's this other person that could potentially affect whether or not I end up trying again with this guy. And while I want to cross that bridge when I come to it, I also am tempted to take matters into my own hands. Because it should be between me and Leon. And if Leon decides to let someone from my past and his present be an issue for him then he can go smoke a cigarette and kiss my ass.

Yeah. That.

Oh, and on the work front? It pretty much rocks. I love my job. I did not, however, love that one of my student's dads was flirting with me. In front of her. And about 20 other families. Good times.

RetroMama is, apparently, just that hot. Oy.

Summer Lovin'...

...had me a blast.

But summer is over.

I report for work on Friday, but will likely be spending Wednesday and Thursday in whatever classroom becomes mine.

And I've been contemplating a lot over the last several days...

When I got the email on Thursday, the first person I called was Leon. Which is really out of character for me. He was appropriately happy for me, and then I went and picked up the kidlet for an unscheduled outing. And we had an amazing evening... And I was thrilled to get to have him with me on that night.

Because when I got the call on Friday I was so excited, I grabbed the kidlet and we jumped up and down screaming in elation... And when he left that afternoon, I got on the phone and scheduled an amazing treat for him... (All he knows is that we're going to a hotel this afternoon. He has NO CLUE the kind of spoiling that is in store for him!!!!!) Yes, I will admit that I'm a pretty rockin' mom right now.

This weekend was kind of rough. Friday evening, I had an intense conversation with an old friend. One I'd thought I had lost in the divorce, but am, apparently, gaining back. Because she's decided I'm worth it. And we talked about how hurt I'd been in the beginning, and she apologized for not having been there for me. It was a beautiful thing, but still draining.

I got up at 4:00 in the morning and put in 19.1 miles of hills on Saturday. And then a few more that evening at a rather emotional fundraiser.

I was pretty drained on Sunday.

But grateful to know that I have a job and was able to take the kidlet to our "usual" Sunday morning restaurant, which we haven't done with regularity since I was laid off...

But then his dad picked him up for a birthday party for a kid who was once my nephew. Okay, technically, he's still my nephew, but that relationship is one of those that I'm losing in the fallout.

And I was just down. Lonely. Sad. Sore. Exhausted.

And I got to thinking about Leon.

And about what a great guy he is, but that there are these red flags that have been waving in my face and I've just been brushing them aside... Telling myself that those things don't matter because this is just a casual thing.

But then I realized that this isn't a casual thing. Yes, there are men that I'm talking to that I'm okay with it being a casual thing.

But I realized that the reason why I'm dating Leon is because I think there's potential for there to be something more.

But that potential isn't exactly there. I cannot allow myself to overlook these major issues. Because I'd decided months ago that there are certain qualities that I am looking for in a partner, and certain qualities that I cannot accept.

And some of those things simply don't mesh.

Maybe it's a timing thing.

Or maybe it's just how it is.

But, ultimately, it means we shouldn't be together.

And after last night's talk with my SoulMate (who pulled NO punches with me! Argh. LOL), I realized that I shouldn't be spending time and energy with Leon when it could be stopping me from being open to the one who actually has the potential to be more.

So, I'm feeling rather strong about this.

I'm sad, but strong. Because this is someone who does matter, just maybe not to the extent that I'd hoped.

And I hate that I'm waiting to hear from him. Because I feel this need to get it over with so that I can focus on what is at hand... Which is enjoying every moment with my son, and then focusing on getting back to work... And being the best teacher I can be for the students who will walk through my door on Monday.

And maybe I'm just being a coward. Trying to control the one thing that feels out of my control even though (or maybe because!!) there are a thousand frightening things on the horizon.

But I really don't think so this time.

The timing is wrong. And maybe he really is wrong for me.

I sit here, staring at the blinking cursor... Wondering how to end this.

I think I should get back to my gratitude place.

I know that I will get the opportunity to break things off with him when I speak to him.

But in the meantime, I will focus on my amazing little boy, being able to do this wonderful thing for him this afternoon, and the wonderful and amazing girlfriends who will toast with me tomorrow night...

To celebrate the next phase of my life: Being the best mom I can be, Being Cancer-Free, The job that will be great, and being open to the next person. Who may actually turn out to be the right one.

Homey got his license revoked!

That line just cracks me up. Still. The morning after I received it as a text.

During this last month or so of spiritual growth, I'm finding that not only am I seeing the relationships of others more clearly, but I'm actually able to find the clarity of seeing my OWN. And that's weird. It usually is so much easier to see it when you're on the outside looking in... But I am in a place where I can look at myself, my patterns, my reactions to others, and I'm seeing it all very clearly.

Clear enough to see that there are friendships I've placed much value on, but realizing that I have been a Reason for them, and not that they were the Reason for me. And that's a tough one to swallow. Because it means there is much "letting go" on the horizon...

Not that I haven't become a freaking champ at letting go lately... And many of the things I have felt I've had to let go were difficult for me... And I felt like I didn't have much of a choice... If I choose to grow, I have to get out of my own way and let shit go.

Surprisingly, it hasn't been as difficult as I'd expected.... Because CoffeeLady told me to "trust yourself..." And that permission was a beautiful thing... Going with my gut has been far more rewarding than I'd even hoped... Opening up communication here... Shutting it down over there...

Don't think I haven't gotten sidetracked. I have. But I am actually pretty pleased with the way things have gone...

Until I started what I thought was obsessing over something that I've consciously tried to put to rest... I sent the emails, got unexpected responses... Found something I shouldn't have found, and did nothing about it...

Mad letting go skillz....

Um, then why is that particular person still popping up in my consciousness??? Seemingly random things popping up where I say, "OF COURSE it's that particular song on the radio that hasn't played in 15 years! And, OF COURSE out of every possible freaking beer it could have been, it had to be THAT one, brewed at THAT place!"

Ugh.

So, when CoffeeLady called me out on me "going through the motions of letting go, but not actually doing it..." I was kinda pissed off... Because I'm feeling all zen about it, but for some reason, not letting go...

And then it hit me.

It's not actually me. It's the other person. He's the one who isn't letting go... And there I'd been thinking I had the monopoly on unfinished business. Apparently not.

Because I've become so damned attuned to the energies of others that I'm picking up vibrations from the weirdest places... Seriously. First phone conversations have occurred in these weeks... Messages given, messages received...

But when I realized that I was picking up his vibrations, I got angry... I realized that while you can lead a horse to water, you can't make him drink... And it hit me how many times I've led this horse to the trough... Could he fucking drink already?!? Because I'm actually okay. I'm done. I am perfectly okay with accepting this level of our friendship. And I was being all noble and shit. Heaping all the pain upon my own shoulders. Not ever realizing that perhaps he'd been doing the same.

Gulp.

And it was during these realizations that I got some news about him... And I didn't find out in the way I'd expected. In the way I'd felt guilty about because I didn't have the faith in him that he would do the right thing. And I'd sent a silent apology for not trusting him... And then realized that he didn't deserve that apology... Because he let me find out from someone who was pissed I hadn't told her... Not realizing that she was the one to tell me...

And then I was lumped into that "most people" category... And I thought, "Um, has he even met me???" And while, yes, of course he's met me, it brought everything to light... He's got something he hasn't let go of... And he's still getting into my head.

And I was angry. Pissed off. Because I can't spell it out for him. He really needs to figure it out for himself.

And then I went for a run... And it was within the first quarter mile that the clarity hit me... He is getting into my head because for some reason, I'm letting him be there... And while there was a time that I took all of the pain and the hurt for myself because I cared enough about him to spare him that, well, I don't actually care that much anymore... So if he needs to hurt, I can actually let him... And while it would be great if he would just keep it to himself and not direct so much of his own energy towards me, I can't control that...

But I can control my own reaction to it... And I don't have to allow him the permission to get into my head.

Which is what I told CoffeeLady... Who responded with, "Homey got his license revoked!"

And I'm still laughing this morning.

So, with Light, Love, Humor, and Grace, I am closing that door. Nobody's admitted without a ticket... Without a license to enter... And I choose who gets approved for the license... And while you may have qualified at one time, I get to choose to revoke that license too.

::grin::

Eight steps forward...

...and maybe a few steps back.

ClaRiTy came several weeks ago... In finding that "the spell had been broken"... And it was liberating and wonderful.

And I totally thought I was just going to let it all go... Just be grateful for the role this person played in my life... Glad to have experienced that beautiful little pocket of time... And to just let it go... Because I'm now all zen and stuff...

Um, yeah.

Apparently, I'm still me.

And even though I'm being all strong and deleting phone numbers so that I can't do stupid things with technology during weak moments, I am, apparently, still going to have weak moments. And even though I don't want them to think that they matter, I still want to think that I matter to them...

And even though the season is over, or the reason has been fulfilled... I still would like to know that I mattered. That I was important. That I left a footprint on their past, just as they did mine.

I just think that when you share something huge with someone, it's supposed to matter. Not that it has to be the central thing forever, but it still had to matter...

Because certain things still matter to me... Certain days during my year are still going to matter...

And when you tell yourself for two years that this particular person was so important, and that they were wonderful, loving, caring, and took such good care of you in your time of need... But then you remember that they weren't actually there. Like, yeah, they cleaned you up and fed you and stuff... But later... When you were hitching up the big girl panties and going for that painful procedure... By yourself. And the one person who should have been there with you not only wasn't there, but didn't even call until much later... Or maybe didn't even call at all... Maybe you were the one that called... ???

Wait. That person was actually kind of a shit about the whole thing.

Ummm... Okay, what now? The illusion I've created for myself might not actually be the reality in which the rest of the world exists...

And there will be those in the "You're the bigger person, you should say these things so that the next person doesn't have to hurt the way you did..." camp.

And there will be those in the "You've grown so much... Leave the past in the past..." camp.

But where's the part where I'm getting the closure I deserve so I'm not sitting here crying as these waves of clarity wash over me???

Maybe while I ponder this, I should stay far, far away from the technology...

Signing off for awhile...

Goodnight.

A tizzy is not quite a tailspin.

Things are good. I'm not quite the spaz I was just a couple of months ago. Things still get to me (I'm still me!), but I am not quite the mountain-maker of molehills I was.

In this place, I don't have quite the OCD thing going that I did.

Back at the house, I would check and re-check the front door several times before I could go to bed. And if M wasn't around, I always left the tv on and fell asleep to it.

I don't even have a tv in my bedroom anymore.

And I'm not constantly checking my alarm 18 times before falling asleep. And then waking up to check it during the night.

I sleep better here. For the most part.

I miss my son madly. He left on Saturday and I didn't see him again until Tuesday. And by Tuesday morning, I was pretty down.

Luckily, my FB pals cheered me up. (FML, anyone???)

CoffeeLady said some things to me the other day that I've been pondering. And trying to cut ties. And being clear in my expectations and standiong up for myself.

But the Sundays I don't have T are hard. And when I worked on homework all friggin' afternoon late into the night, I was not thrilled.

And then I find myself processing it out... And talking more openly. And realizing that there are people in my world who came into it because, apparently, the appeal of a married woman was intriguing. And it seemed safe then.

And there are people in my world who say really tough things to me. Because I need to hear them. And I'm not feeling quite as fragile as I was. But I am still a bit.

K2B told me that he was surprised at how well I'm adjusting. He thought it would take me longer to find happiness being away from M. I guess things had simply gotten so uncomfortable there that anything would be better.

And I am so glad not to be with him anymore. I'm finding that he's not my closest confidante anymore. I haven't asked him to go to marriage counseling in more than a week. (I'd pretty much mentioned it every couple of days since before moving out.)

I'm still being really generous with him, though. I care about it. If T and I are going to dinner, I invite M to join us.

But then today... We had a conference with T's teacher. And I had assumed we'd go grab some food and discuss it with him. But M's mom was making dinner for them. Which she does all the time, apparently... Lucky boys to be living with his folks. But I'm not ever invited to do that.

*shrug*

Easter's not for a month, but I'm already sad about it. I wandered through the drug store this afternoon and stopped myself from buying stuff... I'll still probably get a few things for T, but I am not spending money on his cousins anymore... I used to really enjoy putting together the Easter buckets, though.

*sigh*

And I had just found out that a student I've been working hard with... He's a little punk. I don't particularly like him. But I've been consistent with him, trying so hard to help him. I found out today that he's in quite a bit of trouble... And I can't help but question if maybe we could have saved him if only.... If only... If only...

Then there's the matter of the soul mate. Not to be confused with the SoulMate, of course.

Sometimes I can't stand that people really get me and they encourage me to take a stand when I really think maybe I should just let stuff go... Let the next person worry about it... But, no. Apparently, I'm the one who's in the privileged position of saying the hard things...

So, I did.

And that got me all kinds of mixed-up.

Good thing I have TheRaPy tomorrow.

Because I'm not going into a tailspin over this stuff... I'm just going to work on my homework, get it done so I can play with IP this weekend for her birthday. Eat some dinner. And be grateful for the solitude.

Grateful for the solitude. Grateful for the solitude.

Oh, and have I mentioned that I love that I don't have to do my husband's laundry anymore?

*contented sigh*

I'm doing laundry now. And it's really so very easy here.

*grin*

Okay, dinner. Going now.