Monday, March 2, 2009

So, quit reading, then. Eesh.

This could have been a far more vicious rant than it will be. I could have gone off about how it's my blog and I can write what I want to. Just as you, my two readers, can choose to read or not read.

I've gotten some feedback about my blog.

I've been told that I have a hard life and that it is not everyone else's fault that I am miserable. And that I make myself miserable by dwelling on all the negative things that have happened to me.

But, um. I'm not miserable. Sorry if you think I should be (forgive me my sarcasm). But I'm not. And I've re-read these last entries and tried to read them as they were perceived and I'm simply not seeing it. I'm not miserable. I'm actually really happy.

And while some shitty stuff has happened in my world, I don't really see myself as a victim. And I actually feel sorry for anybody who reads this and sees me as one. Because I will always go back to kicking ass even as I falter.

But I am not faltering now...

I know that it is a frightening thing to watch a woman go out on her own. To make her way in the world. Without a man at her side. And maybe she really fucked up somewhere along the line. But this woman has been open and honest with those who matter. You think I say too much on the internet? You have no fucking clue what I have kept off of the internet! No clue. Those "innocent bystanders" you claim to defend? One of them knows that I write. And has chosen to be okay with it. The other? Is probably so fucking grateful that I'm keeping the rest of his dirty laundry off the internet that he's staying out of it. You think I blogged all of it? You have no clue.

Yeah, I'm a single mom. Yes, I have people who truly love me (and who have decided not to let my agnosticism come in between us) and have expressed their concern about me. Not once trying to censor me. But telling me that yes, I am in a vulnerable place. To be careful with my heart. Those rational ones realize that in this place I have kept my identity and the identities of those mentioned somewhat cryptic. My whereabouts are not given, and I do this for the safety of myself and my child.

I am so sad for you that you believe that because I am a blogger that I put myself in danger... That you believe I will "get" myself "abused, raped, taken advantage of, or something else..."


Well, guess what. (And forgive me if this is TMI... Oh, wait. That's my tagline. If you don't want to know, then stop reading the damned thing!)

I've already survived abuse, rape, being taken advantage of, and lots of something elses...

And I'm still here. And ready to tell the tale.



  1. putting yourself in danger? i call it taking a risk. do you know that YOU taking emotional risks with your blogging has given ME the courage to do the same? i bet you don't realize how much. you are DangerChick indeed, love. but you ain't stupid. these people need to step off or i will cut a bitch.
    keep doing what you do. it is beautiful.

  2. Shayna,

    I must not be reading the same blog. I don't get that at all about you.

    I see someone that is discovering who she is and not limiting who she can be.

    My life is happier, richer for having you in it.


  3. Cupcake, I adore you. Thank you. (And we stab. With forks. Not cut. Get it right. LOL!!!) I love you.

    And, KR (or RK. Did you notice that?? Whoa.). Thank you. For seeing me that way so I can see myself that way. L&L (and C!) to you.

  4. I'm totally confused I definitly don't see you putting yourself in danger I see you as moving on doing something that helps you get through the rough times!! You are awesome!

    Your blogs are true they are real life obviously some people have a problem with reality!! Keep kicking ass girl!!!!!