Saturday, October 17, 2009

You've come a long way, baby...

It was nearly noon when I realized what today was.

One year ago, today, I ran through an airport to throw my arms around HRT for the first time in three months. There were photos taken of us that day... We couldn't stop staring at each other... Touching each other... We would make that particular city ours... I would take it back as my own when I went back there several months later. Because what I didn't know was just how awful he was that weekend... In the weeks following what seemed like such a magical time, he would reveal himself to be the thief, cheat, and liar that he truly was. It took me many months to heal from all that he brought to my world. And after that weekend, I would never see him again.

But on this day... When I realized that today marked one year since that day... It hit me once again just how different my world is... How blessed I am that he is not in it.

One week ago today, I was in the middle of my first 50-mile trail run. And I was kicking ass.

And here I am, a week after accomplishing the hardest thing I've ever done (except for birthing my son. No, actually, probably including that. LOL!), and I'm feeling good.

Physically, I feel fairly recovered from that brutal trek through the wilderness. Okay, I've still got some numbness in one toe (which is quickly turning into fairly excruciating pain. LOL) and I'm going to lose a toenail. (I got a pedicure this afternoon. That poor little pinky toe is BLACK.)

Emotionally, I'm still not quite ready to blog about that experience.

And in the five days since I've been home, I've been through the emotional wringer. Leon's back in the picture (shut up, you guys!), and that's got all kinds of confusion written all over it. The Ex is dealing with some fairly major health issues right now. And, of course, I'm stepping up, just like I always do. Which makes him all kinds of grateful and shit. Which, again, throws all kinds of confusion all over everything. And throws all of my plans over the next several weeks into limbo, what with him not knowing when he's being admitted to the hospital and such.


But when I realized what today is, it just reminded me how much ass I've kicked in the last year.

And I got a text this morning that called me a "marathoner... Not just of miles but of life too. Hills and valleys, ups and downs, laughter and tears, joy and pain. But always victorious."

So, on this day, I am once again reminded to be grateful for the worst person to ever enter my world. Because maybe if he hadn't, I wouldn't be where I am today. Or maybe I'd be where I am today, but open to someone even worse who could hurt me worse than even he could.

So, here I am... A bit more cautious in my dealings with men... Not quite as trusting with my heart...

But with less than 6 days until what used to be the worst day of my year, I know that I will make it.

Because I am surrounded by so much Light and so much Love... I have managed to prove myself as a Friend to those who are worthy (and probably still some who will prove otherwise. LOL)... And I have welcomed the Friendship of so many who continue to bless my world...

So even thought those first months were agonizing, I am so grateful that I moved through it in Real Time instead of pushing it aside. Because now I can stand proud and grateful for who I've become and who I am becoming.

1 comment:

  1. Shayna,

    I continue to be amazed and inspired as you look and find the lessons that are in your life. I struggle in the search for joy in my life, letting go of fear, living an abundant life.

    I want to live large and share the best that I am with the people I love.

    Thanks for sharing your journey on this path so openly.