Sunday, June 7, 2009

I'm like Dr Pepper.

Dr Pepper is one of those things people feel passionately about...

Nobody says "Dr Pepper? Oh, it's okay. I can take it or leave it..."

No. People either love it or they hate it. Ask around. Nine out of ten people will have a very definite opinion about Dr Pepper...

I'm like Dr Pepper. People either love me or they hate me. Nobody really says, "Oh, that RetroMama? Yeah, she's okay. I can take her or leave her..." And yes, that opinion can, apparently, change in a heartbeat.

And I'm okay with that... I'm a passionate person, so I expect people to react passionately about me and/or towards me...

Last weekend, I would be meeting up with TF and CB at the Improv... I found out after I'd bought my ticket that I would be the 5th wheel... They were going on a double-date, but I was totally welcome...

Um... Yeah.

I'd had a rough day and was texting back and forth with TF, who'd told me they'd managed to secure a table for four, but I was totally welcome to squeeze in... They were saving me squeezy space. I texted TF and told her she needed to be ready to do a shot with me, and she replied that she wasn't drinking.

Fuck.

I texted again and said, "Tell your friend she's going to have to do a shot with me..." And her reply made all of my fears ("TF and CB totally love and adore me all the time... Well, except when I'm being a total girl and obsessing over stupid shit... But they love me! They get my sense of humor and think I'm hilarious... They think my outrageousness is charming!! But what about their friends? What if they think I am annoying as fuck and can't stand me? And what if I end up totally making the whole evening awkward and then TF and CB no longer have another couple to hang out with???") go away... Because, yes... I'd had that conversation with myself in my head, but when TF responded with "She said she'll do a shot with you, but only if you squeeze her", I knew they were already hanging out with kindred spirits and I would fit right in...

And I did. And it fit. And it was wonderful. Good times, good times... Apparently, they like the Dr Pepper.

As do I... Especially the Cherry Dr Pepper that a certain Cat turned me on to... Something else to give up when I wean from the caffeine... Eesh. Haha.

The Cherry Dr Pepper got me out of my funk yesterday... I was kinda down about the anti-versary... It would have been 11 years. And that's a long time... And I started down a slippery slope, but allowed myself a good cry (lasted maybe 8 minutes?) and then moved on...

It's been a strange week for me... Lots of growth... Lots of signs and messages and stuff... And suddenly, I'm realizing that I'm learning to let go... And actually doing it... (I'm not saying I don't falter, but it's more like three steps forward and one step back instead of the other way around...)

And suddenly realizing that the Reason, Season, Lifetime thing??? Isn't necessarily always about me... That maybe it was ME... Who was in THEIR lives for a reason...

And when that reason is fulfilled, it's actually easier to let go...

Miles of Hills and ClaRiTy... Always good times... Tough times... But good times...

Being an open book isn't necessarily a bad thing... It's just part of my charm.

Love that about me or hate that about me... It's okay.

I'm just Dr Pepper.

4 comments:

  1. I'll pass on the Dr. P but I'll take some Shayna!

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  2. I heart the DP too. You will have to forgive me for stalking you on yet another blog of yours! I must know about where all the Love & Light and CLaRiTy (with the interesting capitalization rules) stuff came from... you will have to email me on that via FB or something.

    I too am a love her or hate her sort of girl. Most of the time I can accept that I do not appeal to others tastbuds... it is our lot in life I suppose. Oh and also, why were we not friends in high school?

    -Beth aka Treehugger

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