Saturday, August 7, 2010

The Waiting Game

He has yet to give me an answer. I went away with the kidlet. Most of the time, I've been able to focus on being with him and just having an amazing time. But then there are moments... When I realize that no matter what he says, something has to change. Because staying married like this has stunted me. I have not been able to move forward because some part of me has remained mired in my marriage.

And, yes. I really do want my marriage to get back to what it could be. But if the answer's not what I'm hoping for? Then I need to learn not to depend on him.

I don't know if I can even trust him to try. To do the work. He says to say yes is the easy answer. Psh. He's so wrong. No is the easy answer. Because then he doesn't have to do the work.

But I couldn't move forward with a wonderful man who was planning to show me the world. I guess I'm still a little fucked up if I wasn't able to accept that.

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