Saturday, June 13, 2009

The handbasket is purple... With spangly things hanging down.

If I believed in hell, I'd definitely have my non-refundable ticket there...

Something big is about to happen... I can just feel it. And I'm excited about it.

I've been in such an amazing place that even when I did not get confirmation that I'd have a job next year, I cried for a few moments and got over it. Got excited about the next thing... Which was an amazing trail run that evening.

And later that night, more validation.

I'm seeing the connections between people, and being all the more grateful for the horrible ones because they taught me something, too... Or brought someone wonderful into my world.

Minutes after blowing through the finish line, I realized the ABC was gone. The necklace was still around my neck, but the ABC was gone.

First thought: Guess I didn't need that anymore.

Second thought: I wonder who is the person who will find it and what it will bring to them...

Third thought: Oh, but I really liked that, and am somewhat bummed to not have it now.

Whoa.

Apparently, I'm ready for whatever happens next... Even though all kinds of references to the HRT are popping up... And far too many mallards for it to be a coincidence. LOL. Something is coming... And I'm anticipating it with glee...

And then tonight, because I'd pulled up the BGPs last week and done the right thing, I allowed myself a few moments to lurk...

And I saw something beautiful... A reference that someone's karma has come back to bite her in the ass... And I know I shouldn't feel all gleeful about it, but the questions she is asking of herself are somewhat shocking to me... Because I've never been able to understand how someone can spread so much poison to others and expect it never to return...

And there I was... Sobbing on the kitchen floor last year because of the things she'd said and done... And here I am now, happy, healthy, content... And someone has obviously done to her something similar to what she did to me...

And I didn't have to do a thing... I had just sent Light and Love and shit, and she's all crying now...

And I'm trying really, really hard to feel sorry for her... And maybe I will tomorrow... But for now I am going to revel in the imperfection that is me... Because I know that I did the right thing back then, and doing nothing now is also the right thing... And I don't owe her anything. I don't owe her sympathy. I don't owe her kindness. I owe her nothing.

Except gratitude... For being the awful person that she was... Because it made it all the easier to cut her out of my life back then... And I'm grateful for the validation now...

I actually snorted with laughter... And it's still bubbling up in my chest...

And I'm also grateful for the letter I received... The validation that someone saw the good in me so many years ago... He saw something in me that I have only recently begun to really embrace... And I am grateful for that.

And I can't stop laughing... As I told my students the other day, "There comes a time when you have to stop pointing the finger at everybody else and take a good hard look at yourself..."

Maybe somebody should tell her that...

But not until tomorrow...

Because tonight, I'm enjoying the entertainment.

4 comments:

  1. So, are you going to tell her?

    And, I'm nearly 100% sure that one of those spangly things is a fork with extra sharp tines! ;)

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  2. LOL!!

    First of all, no. I don't want to say or do anything to invite her brand of crazy back into my world...

    Second, I freaking love that you said that!!! You have no clue just how significant that is right now. ;)

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  3. (this is amy) is it who i think it is? if so - scoop! :) i cant lurk :)

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  4. LOL! I thought it was you who deleted... (Grr, btw... LOL!)

    No, it's not who you think it is... She would never admit it. Haha...

    Although, maybe you read the Thanksgiving blogs last year? That horrible crazy girl who was BFFs with the HRT?? Yeah, it was her. ::giggle::

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