Saturday, July 17, 2010


I went home for a few days. Got to see some dear friends who were in from out-of-state.

Made a small effort to get a group together, and that didn't happen.

And it turned out to be lovely.

I met one gal for coffee. She and I have been friends online and have always had lots to talk about when we've been at group gatherings. But we'd never made the effort to see each other one-on-one. And she sought me out and I was flattered and so glad. She had caught wind of the dramas from a few summers back and said to me, "I don't want to know." And I'd been relieved to reply, "I don't want to tell you!" And I really didn't. By that time, I was kind of over it.

But over coffee, she stared at me and said, "Retromama, you're such a positive person! Why don't those girls like you?" And I said something about too many strong personalities and whatnot, but it wasn't a big deal. Here's someone who actually does hang out with those girls and truly doesn't seem to be in the middle. I can be candid with her, and while she sees flaws in all, she can still navigate friendships with all of us. I admire that about her.

Later, I met another friend, and was thrilled that it was just us two moms and our boys. And we can get to the nitty gritty really easily. And she spoiled my kid and I let her.

I just read a blog that prompted this one. It was written by a friend that I know through an online group. She and I have gone through phases where we're pretty close and other times when we're not. It was usually pretty easy. She's someone I've trusted with some pretty major stuff. She's particularly close to some other close friends, so I know she knows a lot about me.

Something happened several months ago, and I really pulled back from her. Because we weren't that tight at the time, she probably didn't even realize it. But it was a wake-up call for me. Because she showed me where her loyalty was. And it wasn't with me. And that was fine. I was hurt and angry, but didn't confront her about it.

We've had a few interactions since then. And I've hung out with her and we've talked (not about my hurt feelings) and it's okay. While I would never really want to be particularly close to her again, she's still someone I can appreciate having in my world. Just on a different level.

And that's not weird for me.

I've made some major changes in the last year in how I relate to many people in my world. No, not all of them are people with whom I've felt like I had to "break up". Nor have I always felt the need to have a big conversation about the changes. I've just changed my own way of communicating with them.

And I'm discovering that it's okay. I'M okay with it.

I was about to type about how that's strange.

But the strange thing is this: It's not.

It's just... Me.

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