Sunday, February 8, 2009

A bump in the road...

I slept for about 16 hours last night. Well, rested. I slept from 4-9, then was up, reading, for a couple of hours, and then went back to sleep until after 8 this morning.

I needed it.

After a wonderful chat with V, I decided to drop this month's class. I'll take it in March, instead.

I've been slowly unpacking, getting things organized, doing some laundry... Missing my boy.

I called his dad this afternoon to talk to him. And it took nearly 4 hours before he called me back. They'd had a good day. Friends came over for basketball, so T got to play with his cousins... T can't wait to see me on Tuesday... I can't wait, either... It was all I could do to hold it together when he asked to "say quick words so we don't have to later", and we fell into our routine... I want to just hold him and snuggle him so badly!! I pretty much cried when we got off the phone...

Earlier, I was thinking about how I have this new place to blog... Hoping Cinderella doesn't find me too quickly... Wondering if I should delete those comments which use my first name...

And remembering how TheRaPist keeps telling me to blog it. Blog it all. Keep blogging.

And how I've been a blogger for years now. And HRT knew that. And preyed upon it. And I thought he loved that about me. But he really just wanted to stifle me. Change me. Use me. Even when I told him that "the next guy will know who I am and not ever try to stifle that..."

And then it hit me that M wanted to stifle me, too. Wanted me to be the little wife who stays at home and cooks and stuff. And while I do like to cook (shut up, you guys!), I want to do so much more...

Not that this weekend has been a shining example of that.

What with the staying in pajamas and sleeping and such.

But it's coming... The kickass chick you all know and love will be back... She's already making plans.

And it'll be great.

Because there are lessons I've learned over the last couple of years that I'm only now able to put into practice...

ClaRiTy comes in waves... But this place... This thing I've been moving towards... Every step I've taken along the way is making sense now... Every person who has come into my world... Every little thing I've held onto... Every little thing I've let go of...

There's the thesaurus. And the Minute Rice stuff... And the animal cookies. And the postcard that came from the OBX Marathon.... My mom on the bookshelf... Surrounded by angels...

It's gonna be great... And in the moments when it's not quite great, it's still gonna be okay.

Love and Light... (and shit. LOL.)


  1. Shayna,

    You are awesome! Can't wait to follow along your journey.

  2. Well I saw your myspace blog and followed you over here. I actually started a blog last month I've only made one post lol but it's a start.

    You are amazing and there will be plenty of more bumps in the road some bigger than others but you will make it over all of them... Bumps in the road remind me of my Ty lol when he was little just learning to walk my mom and I would take him for walks around her block and there are those big speed bumps well whenever we would get to one Ty would get down on all fours and crawl over them so determined to make it over so cute :) If he can do it you can hehe....

    Love you girl oh and I love the name RetroMama so you!! xoxo