Well, here it is... My first "MySpace" type blog off of MySpace... Wow.
Kind of scary to realize that this blog will be public... I hope my lurkers can find me but that my stalkers can't...
I think I'll be slightly more "encrypted" over here... Starting off with the initials and nicknames and such... It'll be awhile before I'm brave enough to post a photo blog, I'm sure...
I moved out a few days ago.
M, the not-quite-ex-husband, totally helped... The movers were kind of slimy and pulled a fast one on their employer, but it got me a better deal, I think, which was fine with me at this point. My car is still in the shop and will cost more than I'd expected, so I was okay with it, for sure.
I've been going through this weird stuff with trust and such... Taking this huge plunge. Leaving my husband. Whom I do actually still love.
AD took my tearful phone call on Wednesday... And asked me if I'd actually spelled it out for M. So, I did. Spelled it out. Told him, "I'm still waiting for you. To choose me. To love me. To want to spend time with me. Just me. I'm still waiting..."
He wasn't too thrilled that I was spelling it out the night before moving out. But at least it's out there. And maybe he'll decide our marriage is worth it and decide to do the work to make it better. And maybe he won't. But at least I said what needed to be said. And he can't ever say I didn't spell it out for him.
And then we went out with Blanche for her "bye for now" happy hour... And I'm having a really hard time with the idea of her leaving. I held it together, admirably, until the end... And I was glad that Missy was with me when I left... She threw her arm around my shoulder as we walked to the car... I adore Blanche... She's the big sister I never had... And when she told me "no boys for at least six months", I actually kind of listened.
And knowing that I have no interest in dating right now made me a bit more comfortable in other interactions.
Jack, the Cable Guy, came over on Thursday evening... And once I found out he was married, I felt far more comfortable with him. He's cute, funny, flirty... And harmless.
And I felt like he had this protectiveness thing going for me right off the bat... Which he demonstrated as he left... Making sure that he locked the door before he closed it. Sweet. Reminded me of CB, my TF's husband... Who totally helped me with my son's furniture. And made sure I was safe and happy. Joked with me, but is harmless.
I like that word... Harmless... Because it seems like the men who have been closest to me in the last year haven't been harmless... And one or two of them have actually set out to cause harm... Deliberately.
But I'm trying to get past that right now... And the kindness of strangers helps.
The mover-guy, who flirted with me... (And was yet another person to say, "Really? You guys are getting divorced? You get along so well!" What? The hugging and laughing on moving day isn't normal divorced-couple behavior???)
Jack, who joked with me and got my cable hooked up... And my internet... And still has to come back on Monday...
Karen, at SWA, who read my letter and felt my pain... Who offered me a travel voucher to ease my troubles over the HRT (those of you who were reading my MS blog would recognize him as D. But I have a new name for him now. *grin*)...
And speaking of the HRT... I knew that once that race was over that I would be able to move on... But I'm shocked at just how easily it is coming... In fact, I was stunned when I got the call from the airline... And stunned that it brought back some of those feelings of betrayal... Because I'm kind of over it. For real, this time! LOL.
Okay, I need to get to my classwork... Trying to stay motivated to get this stuff done... And not drop the class. Which is really, really, really tempting right now.
So, I'll go grab another cup of coffee, brewed in my own pot, and drunk out of one of the new mugs... I do need to get to the supermarket one of these days...
Moving on... In this new place...
Thanks for being part of my journey.
Thinking of Kelly on her birthday
1 year ago