Thursday, February 12, 2009

You risk nothing when you stand to lose everything.

This is why I have the hard conversations.

I feel like I'm more "me" than I ever could be.

In this place, I take the high road, but I don't run from the confrontations. In this place, ClaRiTy comes in waves... That nearly knock me breathless...

I am still a work in progress... But I am surrounded by people who shake me up a bit... TF, who asked me why I was focusing on something I have no control over and got me to open up about what was really upsetting me... V, who told me to MYOB...

These are women who make me brave... Brave enough to tell someone the truth, knowing s/he will judge me but will love me anyway... (The first time I said it, I said, "I know you won't judge me..." and then stopped to correct myself "You absolutely WILL judge me, but you'll love me anyway!")

ClaRiTy comes from being stuck in the middle... The same position into which I threw some of my dearest friends... It's a little different here, but from this perspective, I am open to accepting the decisions they made during that time... And while I refuse to betray anyone's confidence, I still insist that I am not wrong about how there needs to be a conversation.

TheRaPist told me to write a letter several weeks ago... Instead, I picked up the phone today... Well, answered it when it rang. LOL.

And while my heart was pounding, and my palms were sweating, I said the hard words. And they were received openly and with love...

I am so blessed.

V taught me last night that one of the beautiful bits of living on my own is that I can go out to dinner with a friend at 7 on a Wednesday... And have a glass of wine with dinner.


I called my SoulMate this morning and asked her husband to tell her how much it touches me that I see the words Love and Light in so many new places... I love that RK used it in his own blog, recently... My SM taught me that (she signs her emails with Love, Light, and Angel Hugs) and I love that I am putting it out there and so many are taking the L&L and making it theirs... She has influenced those who are strangers to her in such a positive way...

Update on the neighbor and the injuries:

I went to the office and showed them the notes and let them listen to the voicemail... She called and left a voicemail for the person we'd determined it to be and explained that I do live here, it is my carport, and it's unacceptable to place nasty notes on residents' cars... That same evening I got a voicemail from him... Opening with the apology. Going into an explanation about the history of my assigned carport, and how he'd had a bad day and he was so very sorry and he's really not an "a-hole" (his exact words! LOL!), and that I will have no issues with him ever again.

I admire a man who can sack up and apologize when it's warranted. Or a woman.

I lost a toenail in the fallout. The pinky toenail. I was probably going to lose it anyway. But still. I limped around for a couple of days, and wore flip-flops at work, thanks to the suggestion of a student (who really just wanted to see the toe! LOL!)

Last night as I waited for V to come pick me up, I stiffened up on the left side... The bruising turns different colors every hour, and last night, I had a hard time getting comfortable enough to sleep... I'm still pretty swollen... Sitting is rather uncomfortable...

But I am healing.

It usually gets worse before it gets better... Physically and emotionally.


  1. I love your blog. It is interesting trying to piece together who the people are with the initials.

    I was able to figure out who RK was:)

    I think I may have start using Love, Light and Courage now. I really like that. Pretty cool that you have your own unique signature. When I write S.P I try and sign off with L&L 4 L.K so she knows I am a friend of yours.

    Keep healing. L,L,C.

  2. My love,

    I love you. Because we seem to write what we need to hear. I was thinking about an L&L yogo clothing line....because you have to be open in yoga and I was having a hard time. So I thought "L&L" and it worked.

    Also made me think of my own tag line I have been using..."Through Faith and Courage." That is the meaning of my dad's last perfect. It will soon be a tattoo!

    I love you my dear, glad to see your neighbor has a sack and can man up….I guess you and I are just not that use to it! Huh!