Thursday, August 20, 2009


Last night, I got out of my comfort zone...

I'd gotten a text from a friend whom I've never really gotten to hang out with. She invited me to the Improv and how many tickets did I want? I signed up for two, and NOF was the pal who got to go with me... Since she and I met at the Improv not too many moons ago, it was like we would be celebrating some kind of anniversary.

So, yesterday, I went on a date with the guy (Okay, I'll call him Leon. Not his real name, but I am sick of calling him "the guy", because he may well end up not being "the guy". ::shrug::).

He came over and we sat on my couch and talked for quite awhile before going to eat... He could tell something was on my mind and asked me to tell him. So, I did. I said the things I needed to say, and he really heard me. Where we'll go from here remains to be seen, but at least I know that I'm being true to myself. And that felt good. And we still went out and had a great meal with good conversation... I'm really comfortable with him, and that's a good place to be.

After he left, I got a text from the aforementioned friend letting me know that she was going to be early and if I wanted to come meet her at a nearby bar, I should.

So, I did.

Even though I knew NOF wouldn't be there until the show, I pulled up the BGPs and went. She was there with a few of her friends, already, and the seat made available to me was in between two strangers... And, yet, I still managed to have conversations and get to know new people. It was frightening, yet exhilarating...

And then we all went to the show... NOF and I shared our favorite shot, and she said we were toasting my cancer-free state... I love celebrating that... The show was more great than not, and I had a great time...

And then it was time to go home... Exhausted, we pretty much left right after the show, and as I was driving home, I started to realize that something is different... Perhaps it was the cocktails I'd had, or just that it's been more than six months, or that Leon and I had kind of established that eventually we will probably share an evening in the not-so-distant future, but I found myself feeling damned horny.

The thought crossed my mind to call Leon and ask him to meet me at my place. (Hell, I'd shaved my legs and everything, but ended up wearing jeans when I was with him... Although, I did wear a cute dress out that evening!)

I called NOF and told her to tell me not to call him. Which she did. And then told me that she'd only told me because I'd told her to!

I didn't call. For a thousand reasons.

If I really needed to get off, I do have a vibrator... Which I didn't end up using. I guess I really was too tired... Or I'm actually getting sick of the substitute. It's been a really long time, and I think I'm actually ready to have some sex. At least physically, anyway. And I think I might finally be in a place where I can handle it, emotionally, as well.

So, there it is.

Of course, today was the first day I didn't need to cover my scar. Thank goodness. My poor skin is red and raw next to my scar(s)...

My gramma suggested that perhaps I've developed an allergy to latex???


So then I became the girl who said to her gramma, "Well, I should probably figure that out before I end up putting anything latex in certain sensitive places..."

Shit. I really don't want to discover the answer to *that* question by default.

Luckily, I am reminded that timing is everything... Maybe I'm not actually ready for sex.

Summer is winding down... And this evening I found out that it really is winding down. I go back to work soon. The location of this work will probably be known about two days before I have to report back. But, yes, I will have a job. Something else to celebrate...

And I got to be with my son tonight, even though he was scheduled to be with his dad. And THAT is the most beautiful thing of all...


  1. They do make non-latex condoms, I hear. I'm just sayin'... ;)

  2. I've heard this as well. Of course, I have LOTS of time to figure this out. :P